September 28, 2007

Design Cars: Crazy Pictures

Rocket Car



Wooden Car



Sexy car



See through Car 1



Monster Car



See through Car 2



Pussycat car



Cartoon car



Bikey Car

September 13, 2007

I bet you didnt know these tidbits

1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a Person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!!!!!!!!!!


2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!


3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.


4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.


5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.


6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow Then it is ripe.


7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.


8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.


9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.


10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.


11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.


12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.


13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.


14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears Never stop growing.


15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.


16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.


17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14. 4 calories per hour by Breathing.


18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt Every year.


19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk Rightfoot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot,left Foot...


20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal.


21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.


22. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch And make it look like it's smiling.


23. The color blue can have a calming affect on people.


24. Depending upon the shade, the brain may send up to 11 tranquilizing Chemicals to calm the body


25. Leonardo DA Vinci could write with the one hand and draw with the other simultaneously. Now we know why his pictures were exquisite!!


26. Names of the three wise monkeys are: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil).


27. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and parrot.


28. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.


29. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child Reaches 2-6 years of age


30. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.


31. Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.


32. All U.S. Presidents have worn glasses; some of them just didn't like to be seen wearing them in public.


33. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.


34. Raw cashews are poisonous and must be roasted before.

September 10, 2007

A Blonde's Good Year:Funny

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

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February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....

Helllloooo!! !.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!! !

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March - Got really excited..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"

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April - Trapped on escalator for hours..... Power went out!!!

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May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.... .wrong instructions. ... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

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June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

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July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition. ....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

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August - Got locked out of my car in rainstorm... ..car swamped because soft-top was open.

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September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

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October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

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November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.

Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

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December - Couldn't call 911...."duh"........ there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

September 9, 2007

Get a Million Dollar Check:Easy and Quick


Visit txtapic, and fill in your name and address.

Get yourself a million dollar check. It's all that you wanted!

Four Kinds of Marketing (Funny)

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm a fantastic dancer."
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's a fantastic dancer."
That's Advertising.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie,you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm a fantastic dancer."
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're a fantastic dancer."
That's Brand Recognition!

September 8, 2007

Things aren't always what they seem

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night
in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels
stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in
the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the
older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.


When the younger angel asked why, the older angel
replied,
"Things aren't always what they seem."


The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a poor farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could
have a good night's rest.


When the sun came up the next morning the angels
found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole
income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the
older angel how could you have let this happen?


The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused.


The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied.

"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I
noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the
wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and
unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the
wall so he wouldn't find it."

"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed,
the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him
the cow instead.

”Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things
don't turn out the way they should.

If you have faith, you just need to trust that every out come
is always to your advantage.

You just might not know it until some time later...

September 7, 2007

Seven ways to relieve Stress out of your Life!

1. Take Up A Hobby:
Remember, a hobby is not a commercial activity. It gives you peace of mind and helps you detour from your daily routine. A common mistake made by most is to take up an activity that closely relates to office work. If you're a computer programmer, DON'T design video games in your free time! Taking up completely unrelated hobbies will divert your mind and reduce stress.

2. Adopt A Pet:
Evidence suggests that having pets around helps keep a lid on stress. Activities like playing with your pet, tending to it and even such mundane tasks like removing ticks from your dog or taking it for a walk can prove a great tonic for hypertension.

3. Get A Massage:
There's nothing like a soothing massage for instant relief from day to day stress. A ten-minute neck and shoulder massage should revitalize you instantly!

4. Watch A Funny Film:
Even if you are feeling really busy or tired, humour never fails to put the zest back into your smile. Make the time to catch a funny flick at home or in the theatre.

5. Get A Facial:
Go to your local salon (guys too), sink into a comfortable chair and surrender yourself to the dexterous hands of the facial expert. You'll emerge rejuvenated and your skin will glow too.

6. Commune With Nature:
Every once in a while visit your ancestral village, a hill station or even take a walk in the local park. The site of green trees, ponds and animals gives you positive vibes and makes you feel positive again.


7. Take Up A Physical Activity
Aerobics, swimming or a brisk walk in the park jumpstart the feel good hormones of the brain. Choose your favourite exercise and stick to it!

September 6, 2007

77 Beautiful, Romantic Advices

1. Never forsake love and love will never forsake you.


2. When you find that true love..never release it....feel the romance and cherish the feeling...once it's presence is reached forfill every desire to the fullest...and do to your one and only soul mate.


3. Love can make you unrecognizable even to yourself.


4. Romance is finding true love in your best friend, lover and soul mate, and if the day comes when you must set true love free...though your heart aches and your soul cries, let it strengthen you and remember that in the soul true love never dies.


5. Love never asks why, it speaks from the heart or whispers from a distance.


6. A part of you has grown in me, together we shall be, never apart, maybe in distance, but not in the heart.


7. If I held a star for everytime you make me smile, an entire evening sky would be in the palms of my hands.


8. A heart truly in love never loses hope but always believes.


9. A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.


10. Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star.


11. I've notice that being with you, I smile a little more often, I anger a little less quickly, the sun shines a little brighter, and life is so much sweeter. For being with you takes me to a different place...a place called love.


12. Brighter are my days peaceful are my nights, since the day your heart met mine and shone loves beautiful light.I knew it was meant to be right. Even though were not together your still on my mind each passing night.


13. Love is meant to be used, so why save it for someone when the person youre saving it for could be right in front of you.


14. Love is like a cloud, love is like a dream. Love is one word and everything in between. Love is a fairtale that has come true, because I found love when I found you.


15. Close your eyes, take my hand, and jump. I'll never let you fall, and if you do, we'll fall together that way we can help each other back up.


16. Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but rising each time we do.


17. A weaker man might have walked away but you had faith, you stayed.


18. We may fight and we may cry but our friendship will never die. Faith brought us together, destiny took us apart, someday we might be together if we only follow our hearts.


19. I've learned that good-byes will always hurt, pictures never replace having been there, memories, good or bad, will bring tears; and words can never replace feelings.


20. Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.


21. Go for that someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.


22. Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.


23. Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.


24. Who in the world wouldn't give to be 15 again. To have all your dreams intact and the world at your fingertips.


25. Only time is capable of understanding how great love is.


26. Don't ever be afraid to try to make things better you might be surprised at the results.


27. Do all the good you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can , As long as you ever can.


28. Don't ever feel threatened by the future, take life one day at a time.


29. Don't ever feel guilty about the past what's done is done. Learn from any mistakes you might have made.


30. Don't ever feel that you are alone there is always somebody there for you to reach out to.


31. Don't ever forget that you can achieve so many of the things you can imagine. ... It's not as hard as it seems.


32. Don't ever stop loving don't ever stop believing, don't ever stop dreaming your dreams.


33. Take risks. Even if it turns out badly, learn from your mistake and move on.


34. Know that everything happens for a reason.


35. Volunteer to be the first to do something. It earns you respect from others.


36. Always push yourself to fulfill your greatest potential. Never settle for second best.


37. Make a lot of memories. They are your most precious possession.


38. There are many roads we have crossed, many hills we have climbed, and so many dreams we have yet to realize.


39. Act as though you were to live forever, and live as though you were to die tomorrow.


40. Work like you don't need the money, love like you'll never get hurt, dance like no one is watching.


41. To live our lives in our own way, to reach for the goals we have set for ourselves, to be what we want to be, that is success.


42. We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.- Tim McGraw


43. I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.


44. A true friend never gets in your way Unless you happen to be going down.


45. Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.


46. Do not save your loving speeches For your friends till they are dead; Do not write them on their tombstones, Speak them rather now instead.


47. Whatever the mind can conceive, the heart can believe, and the body can achieve.


48. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had.


49. Live everyday like its the last, Don't continue to hang in the past. All that is left is whats ahead, Laugh and play and don't act dead. Life is short so they say, Live your life for everyday.


50. In order to get some happiness, you've got to bring some happiness.


51. Never give up on what you want for you'll eventually get it.


52. A true friend will love you for who you were, who you are, and who you are about to become.


53. Even though you say you are nobody; remember you ARE somebody.


54. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.


55. Let your actions allow you to make history not just become a part of it.


56. Stay strong and keep it real for you have to live life to the fullest and to the end.


57. The only thing that seperates us and success is fear and the only thing that overcomes fear is faith.


58. Live life to the fullest for you never know when it may be taken away.


59. A successful person is not the one that breezes through life, but the one that overcomes the challenges set in front of them.


60. Even if we never talk again, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you meant to me.


61. The perfect person for you may not be for others, but they are the most beautiful person in your eyes so take what you got and stop worrying if there is anyone else.


62. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.


63. Don't let the special people in your life pass you by, never let them go even if they are only left in your heart.


64. Our lives can cahnge with ever breath we take.


65. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.


66. Be more concerned about your character than your reputation because your character is who you are and your reputation is what others think of you.


67. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.


68. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.


69. I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.


70. Don't ever be reluctant to show your feelings when you're happy, give in to it. When you're not, live with it.


71. Don't ever be afraid to try to make things better you might be surprised at the results.


72. Don't ever stop loving don't ever stop believing, don't ever stop dreaming your dreams.


73. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are.


74. Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.


75. No matter all your wrongs there's just something you need to see, in my heart you'll always be another perfect memory.


76. Character is not what people make of you but what you make of yourself.


77. To me, the best feeling in the world is when the person u care most about looks in your eyes and simply says "I Love You" because at that moment you know that you are so special to that person and that no one could ever make them feel the way you do.

September 5, 2007

Story: 8 Lies my Mother told me

The story began when I was a child; I was born as a son of a poor family. Even for eating, we often got lack of food. Whenever the time for eating, mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was removing her rice into my bowl, she would say “Eat this rice, son. I’m not hungry”. That was Mother's First Lie.


When I was getting to grow up, the persevering mother gave her spare time for fishing in a river near our house, she hoped that from the fishes she got, she could gave me a little bit nutritious food for my growth. After fishing, she would cook the fishes to be a fresh fish soup, which raised my appetite. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat the rest meat of fish, which was still on the bone of the fish I ate. My heart was touched when I saw it. I then used my chopstick and gave the other fish to her. But she immediately refused it and said “Eat this fish, son. I don’t really like fish.” That was Mother's Second Lie.


Then, when I was in Junior High School, to fund my study, mother went to an economic enterprise to bring some used-matches boxes that would be stuck in. It gave her some money for covering our needs. As the winter came, I woke up from my sleep and looked at my mother who was still awoke, supported by a little candlelight and within her perseverance she continued the work of sticking some used-matches box. I said, “Mother, go to sleep, it’s late, tomorrow morning you still have to go for work.” Mother smiled and said “Go to sleep, dear. I’m not tired.” That was Mother's Third Lie.


At the time of final term, mother asked for a leave from her work in order to accompany me. While the daytime was coming and the heat of the sun was starting to shine, the strong and persevering mother waited for me under the heat of the sun’s shine for several hours. As the bell rang, which indicated that the final exam had finished, mother immediately welcomed me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared before in a cold bottle. The very thick tea was not as thick as my mother’s love, which was much thicker. Seeing my mother covering with perspiration, I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said “Drink, son. I’m not thirsty!”.  That was Mother's Fourth Lie.


After the death of my father because of illness, my poor mother had to play her role as a single parent. By held on her former job, she had to fund our needs alone. Our family’s life was more complicated. No days without sufferance. Seeing our family’s condition that was getting worse, there was a nice uncle who lived near my house came to help us, either in a big problem and a small problem. Our other neighbors who lived next to us saw that our family’s life was so unfortunate, they often advised my mother to marry again. But mother, who was stubborn, didn’t care to their advice, she said “I don’t need love.” That was Mother's Fifth Lie.


After I had finished my study and then got a job, it was the time for my old mother to retire. But she didn’t want to; she was sincere to go to the marketplace every morning, just to sell some vegetable for fulfilling her needs. I, who worked in the other city, often sent her some money to help her in fulfilling her needs, but she was stubborn for not accepting the money. She even sent the money back to me. She said “I have enough money.” That was Mother's Sixth Lie.


After graduated from Bachelor Degree, I then continued my study to Master Degree. I took the degree, which was funded by a company through a scholarship program, from a famous University in America. I finally worked in the company. Within a quite high salary, I intended to take my mother to enjoy her life in America. But my lovely mother didn’t want to bother her son, she said to me “I’m not used to.” That was Mother's Seventh Lie.


After entering her old age, mother got a flank cancer and had to be hospitalized. I, who lived in miles away and across the ocean, directly went home to visit my dearest mother. She lied down in weakness on her bed after having an operation. Mother, who looked so old, was staring at me in deep yearn. She tried to spread her smile on her face; even it looked so stiff because of the disease she held out. It was clear enough to see how the disease broke my mother’s body, thus she looked so weak and thin. I stared at my mother within tears flowing on my face. My heart was hurt, so hurt, seeing my mother on that condition. But mother, with her strength, said “Don’t cry, my dear. I’m not in pain.” That was Mother's Eight Lie.


After saying her eighth lie, my dearest mother closed her eyes forever.


-Author, Source unknown

September 3, 2007

10 Science Stuff You Got Wrong At School

 Water IS blue, not just because of the sky

Many believe that lakes and oceans are blue "only" because they reflect the blue sky.

Actually water looks blue because water is blue; the water molecules do absorb some light, and they absorb red frequencies more than blue.

The effect is small, so the blue color only becomes obvious when observing layers of water many meters (or more) thick. (This effect is noticeable to a lesser amount in white-painted swimming pools.) In salt water or mineral-laden fresh water, the color of dissolved minerals can also be seen.

Sky-reflection does play a role, but only when the water surface is very calm, and only when the water is observed at a glancing angle less than approximately ten degrees.


Electricity does NOT travel at the speed of light

Many textbooks claim that Electricity (electrons) within wires flows at nearly (or even exactly at) the speed of light. In fact it's the electrical energy which flows rapidly ("rapidly" is still slower than the speed of light).

Electrons, which have mass, can never travel at the speed of light due to the theory of relativity. The drift velocity of the charges in an electric current is extremely slow, on the order of centimetres per hour.

Where the electric current is visible, as in electrophoresis, the slow movement of charge carriers can be seen directly.

As a very rough analogy, imagine a line of people at an amusement park. When the people at the front board the ride, a space opens up, and rapidly spreads to the back of the line.

However, the average velocity of any one person is far slower than the speed at which the space moves.


Seasons are NOT the same length

Due to the earth moving fastest in its orbit when closest to the Sun, the southern summer / northern winter is the shortest season, with northern summer / southern winter being the longest.

However, the difference on earth is only a matter of a few days, while on Mars with its more eccentric orbit the difference is more distinct.


You WON'T get a cold just from low temperature

It is a very widespread misconception that the common cold can be caused by (or the chance of getting infected by it is increased by) exposure to cold weather.

In reality, the common cold is caused by viruses and has nothing to do with low temperatures.


Saturn is NOT the only planet with rings

Jupiter, Uranus, and Neptune also have rings, though those of Saturn are the most visually striking (and the only ones easily seen).


Meteors are NOT hot when they land on Earth

When a meteor lands on Earth, it usually is not hot. It's usually warm.

A meteor's great speed is enough to melt its outside layer, but any molten material will be quickly blown off (ablated), and the interior of the meteor doesn't have time to heat up because rocks are poor conductors of heat.

Also, atmospheric drag can slow small meteors to terminal velocity by the time they hit the ground, giving them some time to cool down.


Clouds do NOT form because of the air's temperature

It is incorrectly believed that clouds form because cold air "holds" less water vapor than warm air. Air has no capacity to hold water vapor. It is the temperature of the water itself (and its surroundings) that causes humidity, condensation and clouds to form.


People DID know earth was not flat before Columbus

Some believe that Christopher Columbus had a hard time receiving support because Europeans believed in a flat Earth. In fact, sailors and navigators of the time knew that the Earth was spherical, but (correctly) disagreed with Columbus's estimates of the distance to the Indies.

If the Americas did not exist, and Columbus had continued to the Indies (even putting aside the threat of mutiny he was under) he would not have survived long enough to reach them.


The Great Wall of China is NOT particularly visible from space

While at a low orbit, the Great Wall of China can certainly be seen from space but it is not unique in that regard.

From a low orbit of the earth, many artificial objects are visible on the earth, not just the Great Wall of China. Highways, ships in the sea, dams, railroads, cities, fields of crops, and even some individual buildings.

As to the claim that it's the only man-made object visible from the moon, Apollo astronauts have reported that they could not see any man-made object from the moon, not even the Great Wall.


There is NO "dark side" of the Moon

The Moon is in synchronous orbit --this means, it takes exactly the same time to rotate once around its axis than it does to make one orbit around the Earth-- so it has a far side, because it always keeps the same hemisphere pointed towards Earth.

When the Moon is roughly between the Sun and Earth, it is daytime for the "far side" and night time for the "near side". When the Moon gets "behind" the Earth, it is night time for the "far side" and daytime for the "near side".

September 2, 2007

Helpful Tips on Eye Care

With so many of us spending lots of time in front of the computer every day it comes to no surprise that research is showing a rise in visual problems. What can one do?

First, it's important to find out how you can protect your eyes through eye health exams and by making a few minor changes in your computer viewing habits.

Positioning is everything

Correct positioning of your computer, keyboard and typing copy is essential. Your screen should be positioned about an arm's length from your eyes and 20 degrees below eye level. Consider foot and wrist rests for added comfort.


Lighting can make all the difference

Room lighting should be diffuse, not direct, to reduce glare and reflections from your screen. Look into an internal or external glare screen and be sure to set your colour, contrast and brightness levels to suit you.


A little extra help for your glasses

Anti-reflective coatings on the lenses of your glasses can be applied by your optometrist to reduce discomfort and to ease reduced vision from bright and/or flickering light sources such as VDTs and fluorescent lights. And don't forget, your doctor of optometry can talk to you about eyeglasses designed specifically for people who use computers a lot.

Take time out, our 20-20-20 rule

Step I :-
After every 20 minutes of looking into the computer screen, turn your head and try to look at any object placed at least 20 feet away.
This changes the focal length of your eyes, a must-do for the tired eyes.


Step II :-
Try and blink your eyes for 20 times in succession, to moisten them.


Step III :-
Time permitting of course, one should walk 20 paces after every 20 minutes of sitting in one particular posture. Helps blood circulation for the entire body.


It's all in the blinking

Did you know that on average we blink 12 times per minute? But wait, did you know that when we're on the computer we only blink 5 times per minute? That can add up to dry eyes. Relieve the discomfort by using artificial tear drops or gels and remember to blink!

Palming

Sit straight at your workstation and rub your palms against each other till you feel them warm. The warmth of your palms helps soothe and relax tired eyes. Then, lightly cup your eyes with your palms and relax for 60 seconds. Count the seconds in your mind. Repeat this exercise two to three times whenever your eyes feel tired, or as often as you want. While palming, you can either rest your elbows on your desk or keep away from the desk and cup your eyes. Both ways are fine.


Splash water on your face

During breaks, splash water on your face while closing your eyes. This has an overall relaxing effect and helps you feel refreshed.


Use tea bags

Keep two used tea bags in the refrigerator before you leave for work. Once you are home, place the tea bags on your eyes for a few minutes as you relax. This not only soothes tired eyes, but also reduces puffiness.

Eat healthy

Incorporate Vitamins A, C, and E on a daily basis; eat citrus fruits, green leafy veggies, tomatoes, spinach, poultry and dairy products. Pack a box of chopped carrots, cucumber and fresh fruits and munch in-between meals at the office.

September 1, 2007

17 Random, Humourous Observations

1. Men are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.


2. Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything.


3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."


4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


5. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.


6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder and cell phone camera these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.


7. You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just sitting on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.


8. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is they're liars."


9. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


10. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


11. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?


12. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


13. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."


14. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.


15.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


16.
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."


17. "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."