August 31, 2007

Who will spend $35 to have a Medium McChicken meal? I did

I had to catch a plane for Hamilton from Melbourne, Essendon airport. I travelled by a taxi and reached the Essendon airport thinking that I will have my lunch and browse (wireless) internet for a while before catching my plane in 3 hours. But, Essendon airport looked like a ghost aerodrome. There was no one at sight and the only café at the airport was closed for Sunday (duh). I was hungry. I looked around and asked a passer-by if there is a café nearby. He said, 'Nope, you have to travel to the nearest suburb to find one'. Since I had enough time, I thought I would go by a Taxi and get something to eat. I called for a cab and it came in few minutes.

'Hey! You called for a cab?' asked the Chinese cab driver.

I said, 'yes'.

"Where do you want to go?"

"To the nearest café. May be McDonalds or something."

"Oh, I see you are hungry. After having lunch, where do you want to go?"

"I want to come to this place (same airport) again. I want to get some lunch, may be – we will find a McDonalds or KFC and drivethrough, get lunch and come back."

I told him that I have to wait for another 2.5 hrs to catch a flight to Hamitlon and it will reach

He was puzzled and may have thought, 'what a moron spends at least $25 on cab charge and get a $7 meal' and asked, "When did you have your last meal?"

"I had breakfast at 12 am – a coffee and muffin."

"That means, just 3 ½ hours. When will you reach Hamilton?"

"At around 6.45pm."

"Can't you wait for another 3 hours for the next meal? See, the cab charge has already crossed $10. You could have spent this on a nice, big meal."

As we drove, he pointed out at a distant 'KFC sign post along the road and said, "Ok, there's a KFC, do you want to eat there or should we go to McDonalds only".

I found a Meccas on the left side of the road, "Oh, there it is. McDonalds. Drive through."

Over the speaker, the McDonald's girl asked, "What do you want, sir?"

I said, "I want a McChicken meal, large" to the driver. The driver shouted "McChicken meal? Try BigMac, it is worth and will fill your stomach". I said, "oh no, I want only McChicken meal."

"Is the order on the screen correct, sir? The screen shows 'McChicken meal large with coke'. The driverstill looking at the menu board (not looking at the screen below) shouts, 'No big Mac. Only McChicken large, fries, coke'.

After few minutes of communication struggle, "I shouted ok, the order is correct".

We wait behind four cars after paid the money, the girl delivers a pack that contains '3 coke and 2 ice creams and tells, 'Please wait for you 3 big Mac, sir'.

As I was trying to say, 'sorry, this is not I ordered. I wanted a large McChicken meal' – the driver winks at me and tells, 'Shh…You take all these, you have spent $25 for coming here. Take these and the big macs – you can have for lunch and dinner'.

I say, 'I don't eat big Mac – it contains beef - I want only chicken'.The driver nods his head left and right thinking, 'Hopeless, he is simply an idiot'. And the girl apologizes for the confusion made and hands me the large McChicken meal, fries and coke that costs $6.95.

"You should've taken those entire BIG Macs', the driver argues with nodding his head vigorously. We reached the airport and asked, 'How much the cabcharge is'. He says, '$29.50'.

Thus, I spent a whole $30 plus the $6.95 for eating my lunch, a McChicken meal.

Are you still listening to this story?

August 26, 2007

Effective Tips for leading a Successful, Love-filled Married Life

1. ANNIVERSARIES
Always celebrate! Whether it's the 1st or the 50th, each year together is a triumph.

2. APPRECIATION
Let each other know how much you appreciate each other. You may already know but hearing it from each other is always better.

3. BEST FRIENDS
Be best friends preferably before being boyfriend-girlfriend. Take time to know each other so the relationship will be a deep one. Tell each other about your crushes, dreams and problems. Make sure he/she is your best friend before getting engaged. The strong bond of friendship will help you both survive tough times.

4. BOND
Make it a point to spend time together often but leave room for each other. Also spend time alone w/ each other, so that at the end of the day you could both share your experiences. This way, you stay interesting with your partner.

5. COMPLIMENTS
Always compliment each other. This will prevent feelings of resentment & thinking that one is being taken for granted.

6. DATE
Keep doings things that you both enjoy, do them together. Make time & continue to date to keep the romance - look good, smell good to maintain physical attraction

7. DIFFERENCES
Celebrate differences. Never force your ideologies down each other's throat. Give up trying to turn your partner into you. Accept differences, appreciate them.

8. FIGHTS
Fight w/the aim to resolve the issue. Don't outdo each other. The longer you extend the fight. The more chances that you'll say something hurtful that you don't really mean. As mad as you were w/ your partner, he/she is still the person who laughs at your jokes & thinks you're hot. Hear each other out, don't dig up old issues. Choose your battles. Make sure the fight will be worth it & that something will change in the relationship as a result of the fight.

9. FLAWS
Know that the perfect person does not exist. Know that just as there are things that you love about him/her, there will be things that will make you go crazy. We are only human with our own flaws.

10. FUN
Have fun together! This means keeping the fun & spontaneity that was there in the early days.
Allow yourselves to get silly. Being able to make each other laugh & see the lighter, crazier, absurd side is the best way to get through all the differences in personalities, adjustments in lifestyle & opposing viewpoints.

11. GOALS
Make sure you have similar goals. It would be difficult to keep your bond intact if your views are complete opposite.

12. GRUDGES
Quit tabulating grudges. Let it off. Discuss it, then trash it, don't recycle it.

13. KEEPING IT HOT
Keep it hot by traveling to diff. places together. A new setting will do wonders. Always have skin contact - be it holding hands, a massage or just plain leg rubbing.

14. HONESTY
Don't lie or hide things. The problem will only get bigger.

15. KNOW EACH OTHER
Learn each other's interest. It really keeps the conversation flowing!

16. HUG
A hug can be far better more intimate than a kiss.

17. IDENTITY
Don't lose your personality - that's why he/she fell in love w/you. Have separate interest & activities to keep your individual, & to be able to contribute more to the relationship.

18. INDEPENDENCE
Having your own income means you're the boss in your life.

19. IN-LAWS
Make rooms for the in-laws.

20. INTENTIONS
Wish each other well. Don't wish each other worst

21. ISSUES
Speak up about the awkward stuff now, like money & sex. The earlier, the better.

22. LISTEN
Listen, listen, listen. Hear each other out especially during arguments.

23. LOOK GOOD
Mind your appearance! Stay fit & healthy for each other.

24. LOVE
It all boils down to your love, chemistry & respect for each other.

25. MEMORIES
Remind each other of the old days. Do something that you used to do for each other before. It may even be corny but it made you two together. Experience new things together- from dining into a new restaurant to experiencing street food together to exploring to new places. It's the little surprises that make great memories.

26. MIND READING
No matter how long you've been together, do not think that you can read each other's mind.

27. NEEDS
Be good to yourself, then be good to your partner. That's what love is all about. Think about your partner. Will it make him/her happy? Will she/he enjoy it? Consider each other's feelings. Be very attentive & sensitive to each other's needs, physically & emotionally, that way your partner learns to do the same for you. Never take your partner for granted.

28. PRIORITIES
If one says it's important, then it is! Prioritize each other among other things!

29. SPACE
Give each other space. Have your boy's night out. If you can't trust each other with this, then don't get married.

30. SORRY
Say sorry when you're wrong.

31. SURPRISES
No matter how long you've known each other, be open to surprises, both good or bad.

32. TEAMWORK
Think for two & always work as a team. Consult each other before making a decision because everything will always affect both of you. Strengthen couple power. In many ways, we have to decide based on what is best for the relationship in favor of our individual selves.

33. SUPPORT
Support each other's dream. Be willing to follow your passions, support your partner in his/her decisions & create new ones together. Two heads are better than one.

34. TALK
Tell each other's stories. Life goes by so fast & its easy to see how easily couple can grow apart. Whenever something funny, scary, exciting or juicy happened to you or to someone you know, tell each other about it & have your partner do the same. Keep each other in the loop of life

August 23, 2007

Hilarious: Actual Court Proceedings

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. 


ATTORNEY:   Are you sexually active?

WITNESS:     No, I just lie there.

________________________________________________________________


ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________


ATTORNEY:   This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:   And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS:      I forget.

ATTORNEY:   You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

_____________________________________


ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS:    He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?

WITNESS:    My name is Susan!

_____________________________________


ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS:    Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________


ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS:     Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________


ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS:     Are you kiddin me?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:   So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS:     Uh.... I was having sex!

______________________________________


ATTORNEY:    She had three children, right?

WITNESS:      Yes.

ATTORNEY:    How many were boys?

WITNESS:      None.

ATTORNEY:    Were there any girls?

WITNESS:      Are you kiddin me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

_____________________________________


ATTORNEY:   How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS:     By death.

ATTORNEY:   And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS:     Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

______________________________________


ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS:     Guess.

_____________________________________


ATTORNEY:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS:     No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________


ATTORNEY:   Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS:      All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

______________________________________


ATTORNEY:   ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS:      Oral.

______________________________________


ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS:     No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS:     Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS:      No.

ATTORNEY:   Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS:      No.

ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS:      No.

ATTORNEY:   How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY:   I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

August 22, 2007

Funny Two-line Conversations - Part 1


Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

******

"What did one ghost say to another?"
"
Do you believe in people?"

******

My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

******

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

******

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"
Please wait someone else is using it."

******

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

******

"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"
They came with the face."

******

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .

******

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

******

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

******

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

******

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."

******

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

******

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

******

I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.

******

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"
You're lucky. My wife does."

******

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

******

"What do use for washing dishes?"
"
Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "

******

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

******

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

August 21, 2007

How to Win Arguments: 5 Tips for Dummies

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and
steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great
respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments.
Simply follow these rules:

1. Drink Liquor

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding
on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're
drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang
back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls
your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover
you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy.

You'll be a WEALTH of information.
You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights
and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some
may leave the room.

2. Make things up

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove
Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that
YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch
of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are
underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars
adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is
$836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT
up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study
for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?"
Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left
your soiled underwear in my bath house."

3. Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.,"
"e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do
not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:

"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't
have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you
say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis
Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often,
so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were.
Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

4. Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back
at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples and oranges.
What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than
mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponents says Lincoln died in 1865.
You say You're begging the question.

OR

You say Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponents says Liberia is in Africa.
You say You're being defensive.

5. Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously
right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say:
"That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or
"You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to
pull any of this on people who carry weapons.

August 18, 2007

12 Healthy Juices and their Benefits

  1. Carrot + Ginger + Apple - Boost and cleanse our system.
  2. Apple + Cucumber + Celery - Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and improve stomach upset and headache.
  3. Tomato + Carrot + Apple - Improve skin complexion and bad breath.
  4. Bitter gourd + Apple + Milk - Avoid bad breath and reduce internal body heat.
  5. Orange + Ginger + Cucumber - Improve Skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat.
  6. Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon - To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney.
  7. Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi - To improve skin complexion.
  8. Pear & Banana - regulates sugar content.
  9. Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango - Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization .
  10. Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk - Rich in vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increase cell activity and strengthen body immunity.
  11. Papaya + Pineapple + Milk - Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism.
  12. Banana + Pineapple + Milk - Rich in vitamin with nutritious and prevent constipation.

August 15, 2007

Funny but Thought Provoking One-line Life lessons

Don't let your worries get the best of you;
remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
until you try to sit in their pews.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Many folks want to serve God,
but only as advisor's.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

It is easier to preach ten sermons
than it is to live one.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
but mosquitoes come close.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

When you get to your wit's end,
you'll find God lives there.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

People are funny; they want the front of the bus,
the middle of the road, and
the back of the Masjid.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Opportunity may knock once,
but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Quit griping about your Masjid;
if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If the Masjid wants a better Maulana,
it only needs to pray for the one it has.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God Himself does not propose to judge
a man until he is dead.
So why should you?

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up
and permanently set.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Peace starts with a smile.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

I don't know why some people change churches;
what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

A lot of church members who are singing
"Standing on the Promises"
are just sitting on the premises.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

We were called to be witnesses,
not lawyers or judges.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Be ye fishers of men. You catch
them - He'll clean them.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Coincidence is when God
chooses to remain anonymous.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't put a question mark
where God put a period.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't wait for 4 strong men
to take you to Masjid.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit"
over "religious nuts!"

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God promises a safe landing,
not a calm passage.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

He who angers you, controls you!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Prayer:

Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

We don't change the message,
the message changes us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

You can tell how big a person is
by what it takes to discourage him.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:

1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

August 8, 2007

Emotional Equation

When someone is doing something or about to do something, in a way I don't
want it to be done - and i am not able to accept it - i become angry.
When someone is doing something or about to do something, in a way I don't want it to be done - and i am able to accept it - i remain tolerant.


When someone is having something or someone is able to produce the results which i am not able to produce - and I m not able to accept it - I become jealous.
When someone is having something or someone is able to produce the results which i am not able to produce - and i am able to accept it - i get inspired.


When i am encountering uncertainty or is about to encounter uncertainty, which i am not sure how i am going to handle - and i am not able to accept it - it causes fear in me.
When i am encountering uncertainty or is about to encounter uncertainty, which i am not sure how i am going to handle - and i am able to accept it - i feel adventurous about it.


When someone has done something that has emotionally hurt me - and i am not able to accept it - it develops hatred in me.
When someone has done something that has emotionally hurt me - and i am able to accept it - it helps me forgive them.


When someone is present in my thoughts, but is not physically present - and i am not able to accept it - i say i am missing you.
When someone is present in my thoughts, but is not physically present - and i am able to accept it - i say i am thinkin of you.


Thus, Emotional Equation becomes:

Something + acceptance = positive emotion
Something + non-acceptance = negative emotion


So, it is not something or someone who is making me feel positive or negative, but its my acceptance or non-acceptance of something or someone, which impacts things.

Joke: Mike's problem

Mike told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things
around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said,
"Now, Doc, I can take it.
Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied
"You're just plain lazy."

"Thank You." said Mike.
"Now give me the medical term,
so I can tell my wife !"

August 7, 2007

I feared until...

I feared being alone

Until I learned to like Myself .

***************


I feared failure

Until I realized that I only Fail when I don't try .

***************


I feared success

Until I realized That I had to try In order to be happy With myself.

***************


I feared people's opinions

Until I learned that People would have opinions About me anyway.

***************


I feared rejection

Until I learned to Have faith in myself.

***************


I feared pain

Until I learned that it's necessary For growth.

***************


I feared the truth

Until I saw the Ugliness in lies.

***************


I feared life

Until I experienced Its beauty .

***************


I feared death

Until I realized that it's Not an end, but a beginning .

***************


I feared my destiny,

Until I realized that I had the power to change My life.

***************


I feared hate

Until I saw that it Was nothing more than Ignorance.


***************


I feared love

Until it touched my heart, Making the darkness fade Into endless sunny days.

***************


I feared ridicule

Until I learned how To laugh at myself.

***************


I feared growing old

Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.


***************


I feared the future

Until I realized that Life just kept getting Better.


***************


I feared the past

Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me .

***************


I feared the dark

Until I saw the beauty Of the starlight.


***************

I feared the light

Until I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.


***************

I feared change,

Until I saw that Even the most beautiful butterfly Had to undergo a metamorphos is Before it could fly .

August 6, 2007

Do you have to laugh when your boss tells a joke?

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently.

Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is except Mike.

When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said,


"What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?"

"My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."

August 5, 2007

A conversation with God

   Hello God, I called tonight
    To talk a little while..
    I need a friend who'll listen
    To my anxiety and trial...

    You see, I can't quite make it
    Though a day just on my own...
    I need your love to guide me,
    So I'll never feel alone.

    I want to ask you please to keep
    My family safe and sound.
    Come and fill their lives with confidence
    For whatever fate they're bound.

    Give me faith, dear God, to face
    Each hour throughout the day,
    And not to worry over things
    I can't change in any way.

    I thank you God, for being home
    And listening to my call,
    For giving me such good advice
    When I stumble and fall.

    Your number, God, is the only one
    That answers every time.
    I never get a busy signal,
    Never had to pay a dime.

    So thank you, God, for listening
    To my troubles and my sorrow.
    Good night, God, I love You, too,
    And I'll call again tomorrow!

August 4, 2007

Heaven's Grocery Store

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago.
 One day I saw a sign that read, "HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE".
 As I got a little closer, the door came open wide, And when I came to myself I was standing inside.

 I saw a host of ANGELS. They were standing everywhere.
 One handed me a basket and said, "My Child, shop with care".

Everything a human needed was in that grocery store.
And all you couldn't carry, you could come back the next day for more.

First, I got some PATIENCE: LOVE was in the same row.
 Further down was UNDERSTANDING: you need that everywhere you go.
 I got a box or two of WISDOM, a bag or two of FAITH.
I just couldn't miss the HOLY GHOST, for it was all over the place.
 I stopped to get some STRENGTH, And COURAGE to help me run this race.
 By then my basket was getting full, But I remembered I needed some GRACE.
 I didn't forget SALVATION, for SALVATION was free, So I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me.
Then I started up to the counter to pay my grocery bill, For I thought I had everything to do the MASTER'S will.
 As I went up the aisle, I saw PRAYER:
 And I just had to put that in, For I knew when I stepped outside, I
 would run into sin. PEACE  AND JOY were plentiful; they were last on the shelf. SONG and PRAISE were hanging near, so I just helped myself.
 Then I said to the angel, "Now, how much do I owe?"
 He smiled and said, "Just take them everywhere you go."
Again, I smiled and said, "How much do I really owe?"
He smiled again and said, "MY CHILD, GOD PAID YOUR BILL A LONG, LONG TIME AGO."

August 3, 2007

Grace: A touching story

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house.
However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
 Instead of a meal, he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked  hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me  anything," she replied. 
"Mother has taught us never to accept pay  for a kindness."

 He said, "Then I thank you from my heart." 
As Howard Kelly left that house,  he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in  God and man was strong also.
He had been ready to give up and quit. 
 Year's later, that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where  they called in specialists to study her rare disease. 
Dr. Howard Kelly was  called in for the consultation. When he heard the name  of the town she came from, he went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown, he went in to see her.
He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to  do his best to save her life.
From that day, he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

 Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final  bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge,  and the bill was sent to her room.

She feared to open it,  for she was sure it would take the rest of her life  to pay for it  all.
Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the  side of the bill. She read these words: "PAID IN FULL WITH ONE GLASS OF  MILK.

(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly."

 Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed:
"Thank You, God,  that Your love is shed abroad through human hearts and hands."

August 2, 2007

Argument:Does God exist?

A man went to a barber shop to have his hair and his beard cut as always.
  He started to have a good conversation with the barber who attended him.
  They talked about so many things and various subjects.
  Suddenly, they touched the subject of God.

  The barber said: "Look man, I don't believe that God exists as you say so."
  "Why do you say that?" - asked the client. Well, it's so easy, you just have
  to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist.
  Oh, tell me, if God existed, would there be so many sick people?
  Would there be abandoned children?
  If God existed, there would be no suffering nor pain. I can't
  think of a God who permits all of these things."

  The client stopped for a moment thinking but he didn't want to respond so
  as to prevent an argument. The barber finished his job and the client went
  out of the shop.
  Just after he left the barber shop he saw a man in the street with a long hair
  and beard (it seems that it had been a long time since he had his cut and he
  looked so untidy).

  Then the client again entered the barber shop and he said to the barber:
  You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How come they don't exist?"-asked the
  barber.
  "Well I am here and I am a barber."
  "No!" - the client exclaimed.
  "They don't exist because if they did there would be no people with long
  hair and beard like that man who walks in the street."
  "Ah, barbers do exist, what happens is that people do not come to me."

  "Exactly!"- affirmed the client. "That's exactly the point. God does exist, what
  happens is people don't go to Him and do not look for Him that's why there's
  so much pain and suffering in the world."

August 1, 2007

Chinese Story:Golden Rule

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-li constantly.

Days passed days and weeks passed weeks. Li-li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-li had to bow to her mother-in -law and obey her every wish.

All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress. Finally, Li-li could not stand her mother-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. Li-li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, "Li-li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you." Li-li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."

Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-li "You can't use a quick acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious.
Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up in her body. Every other day prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen."

Li-li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed,
the whole household had changed.

Li-li had practised controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with. The mother-in-law's attitude towards Li-li changed, and she began to love Li-li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter, and Li-li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She is changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her".

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head, "Li-li, there is nothing to worry about, I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude towards her,but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her".

MORAL: have you ever realised that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? In China it is said: the person who loves others will also be loved.